This is not my... Horoscope

Aries

21 March – 20 April

You rock. You should absolutely join up to this website....

Taurus

21 April – 21 May

Feeling a bit like an exhibitionist this month? See if you can get into the headlines...

Gemini

22 May – 21 June

Trying to impress at work? Get that promotion you have been working towards by showing your caring sharing side!

Cancer

22 June – 23 July

Look smart by stealing someone elses incisive quotes. Everyone will be impressed and they will never know.

Leo

24 July – 23 August

Love life not looking great? Maybe that's because you could do better...

Virgo

24 August – 23 September

Someone you have wanted to ask out for ages? Now could be your moment to strike. Remember to take them somewhere great though.

Libra

24 September – 23 October

Thinking about stripping off for the summer? Yep - better get rid of a few pounds. Take it easy though. Why not just walk it off?

Scorpio

24 October – 22 November

You will meet the most gorgeous person you have ever seen. They will fall for you when you impress them with your knowledge about the decentralisation of energy. (Ok - so it's a long shot...)

Sagittarius

23 November – 21 December

You look amazing. Oh my god they will be lining up. Still no harm in looking your best.

Capricorn

22 December – 20 January

You need to figure it out. Are you an angel or a devil?

Aquarius

21 January – 19 February

Wondering why you haven't been doing well recently... It's cos you smell. Check out the washing balls from Nigel's Eco Store. 1000 washes for £35 - worth the investment.

Pisces

20 February – 20 March

You are doing too much! Have a think about cutting back and relaxing...